18. the trail came out of nowhere

The trail came out of nowhere. Not like out of thin air, but the start didn’t make sense. It just started. From the forest, with all these wild plants, shrubs, vines, to this dirt trail. Like some trail making gnome started from the top, worked his way down, decided the trail sucked and just quit. There was nothing spectacular about it. Just an ordinary looking trail. From what I could tell, it went up the side of the mountain flanked by rows of small trees. The typical public trails you find in Yosemite.

About four switch backs up, we got to a decent clearing with a decent view, but most of all it was a decent place to rest.

Thomas leaned back on a large rock. He was making an effort not to sit. Keeping his cut leg as straight as possible. Every grimace he made won Joanne’s attention. No matter how many times he put his hand up to say he was okay, she was there. Attentive. Caring.

I started wondering how long it’s been since I had that sort of feeling. Precisely that attentive caring feeling. Not exactly what they had. Theirs was different. Attentive and caring was just a small part in their lives.

Ever since I knew them in college, they were close. Like real close. Pretty much boyfriend girlfriend close. They went to school together. Waited for each other after classes. Studied together. But all of which under the guise of friendship. I mean, we were all there. They were never alone. The carpool always had someone else there. Mainly me. But I was just a fly on the wall. Never said much. Except for when Thomas and I started talking about what baud rate modem we had and what new computer games supported them. Other than that, they were the ones who talked. Studying was in the library. We all assembled at the library like it was our predetermined spot. Second row of tables on the far right corner as you come in. It was your ordinary wooden table with pull up chairs. Plastic cushions. Dark brown enameled wood. You can see a few of our carvings there if you look closely. Carved in with sharp pencils. no one ever thought to erase them or pencil in their own. But I guess for the four years we were there, no one took that spot. It was away from the computer desks. On the side of the room that was nothing but a barren yellow wall. All the activity was on the side with all the computers and the doors leading to the books. Then again, this was why this was our area. No one bothered us. And on those late night study sessions, when people trickled out, including our group, Thomas and Joanne sat there. Side by side. Unbothered.

We always assumed something was going on between them. We weren’t always around, so there had to be times they were alone together. Just the two of them. Granted, it was usually a public place. Usually because some of us bail or some just show up late. We all imagine they talk about each other. Each other as in them. As a couple. But every time we pry, they say they talk about stupid things, like sports, or about other people, or about school. We got the answer from both sides. So either they’re hiding really well or they were simply telling us the truth. We were all clueless. I believed they were being evasive. Though this went against what I knew of Thomas or even Joanne. They were very open and honest. And as the years went by. My theory started to lose its credibility. They still acted the same and we all still raised our eyebrows. Even the newcomers to the group wondered the same. It’s strange. I don’t get it.

In any case. Here they are again. Like a middle aged husband and wife. Still fresh in their relationship. Worrisome inquiries turned into nagging questions. Masculine affirmation reduced to an immature denial. All this, while stuck out here in this surreal situation.

I couldn’t listen to them anymore. I tuned them out.

I know they were there. Right there. Just a few feet away.

But still.

I felt really lonely.

Trees ruffled. The cooling air meant it was getting late. The view from our vantage point was just over the trees. Several more switch backs and we’d see for miles. The sun was slowly going over the mountain behind us. It’s shade blanketed us in minutes. It was both a relief from the warmth and a warning about the chill to come.

My stomach growled. It was earlier than I expected. I looked in my bag.

Just two Clif bars left.

We have another problem.