7. it’s been two hours

It’s been two hours. The sun was going down. My phone still didn’t have any reception. And things just didn’t feel right.

I had this little routine. Sit on the couch. Flip through my book. Read a little. Check the TV. Head to the front. Look outside. Hope to see some sort of car driving up. Any car would do. Hell, would have been happy if they came by horse. As long as someone came. I’d give it a good five minutes. Then I’d go back. Go through the fridge. Pick at something. Then sit back down. Pop open my book and continue. Each time with a deepening sense of claustrophobia.

Tay could get pissed at me at times. When we were younger we fought all the time. Not just those yelling matches either. All out fist fights. If no one was around, we go at it till someone bled or started crying. Which meant usually meant me. He was older obviously and way more built for that sort of thing. We were a handful for our parents. Given we outgrown them. I mean that in size. Not in mentality obviously. Their words still held us at bay. We were two big babies with no control over our anger. That was way over a decade ago. These days, well, we argue. Nothing as intense as before. Anything we actually do to each other was more like what we didn’t do for each other when we’re angry. Not handing over a ringing phone. Not picking up mom when you’re busy. Not acknowledging the other person. Stuff like that. Childish grown up stuff. And this whole thing of not coming home would kind of fit that category. But seeing what we saw this morning and in the afternoon, it would be audacious.

After the last bit of sunlight left, my heart sank. This was when over thinking and paranoia make a bad mix.

Gone were the thoughts of pranks or a punishment. In were the images from the afternoon. Torn parts. Crimson stains. Contorted faces. It was all vibrant in my mind. Memories can be such an awful abilities of ours. Tongues, limp, lifeless. Blood stained fangs. Yet their glazed eyes made them look less menacing. Beyond what I knew them for, savage, wild, untamed, all the things taught to us from stories, parental lectures, and television, they looked docile. More humane even. They were living animals, like us. Now lifeless and gone. All that was left was that showcase.

I fought hard. Trying not to picture Thomas or Joanne and definitely not Tay in that scene. But my mind had no control. My imagination went wild. I found myself clenching handfuls of my hair. I sat there like a baby. Legs against my chest. Eyes closed. Rocking back and forth. Every once in a while I had to bang my head with my hands. Stop. The images just won’t stop. Stacks of human remains in a pile of dead wolves. Empty eyes. Gaping mouths. Damnit, stop.

“They’re fine.”

I kept telling myself that.

I tried to change the scenes.

They weren’t dead. Bloody, yes. Dead, no. They fought off the wolves. They were just lying there. Exhausted. Soon they’ll emerge. Pushing off the mangled wolves they fought. Tay would wring the necks of the two on top of him. One last insult. A sign for the others not to mess with him. He’d wipe his eyes. Clear his face of the blood. Thomas would pull Joanne up. A bit hurt. Cut even. No. Bitten. But fine. They’d check each other over. When they realized things were fine, they’d move on.

“We got to make it back.”

Tay would always think of me.

“He must be worried about us.”

Joanne is so caring.

“I’m sure he’s doing fine. We just need to warn him.”

Thomas always respected my maturity. Even if I was the youngest among them.

So this was what calmed me. I stopped rocking. They ran into trouble. But they were still coming back for me. No one would leave someone here. All long out here.

Peaceful. I was at peace again.

The images were gone. My breathing was normal.

My eyes brought me back to the living room. Still lit inside. Still dark outside. Still alone. I’m going to be in such trouble if I can’t even keep it together for a few hours. Don’t think I had ever been alone in the woods. At least in LA I could just walk down to the nearest cafe or diner to get cheap company. This on the other hand. Man, it was different. Almost maddening. Especially with him there.

Again. There he was. Sitting outside the edge of the forest. Sitting there by himself. A white wolf. Staring right at me.