4. the thing i don’t like about joe was this

The thing I don’t like about Joe was this. Yosemite is beautiful. A place that’s endured nature’s disasters, colliding platonic plates to the shearing of ancient glaciers. Of course, this didn’t all happen at one time. A slow episode spanning centuries which was just a blink of an eye for Earth. Now that everything completed. We’re left with this vast green carpet in the valley floor. Magnificent waterfalls dropping hundreds of feet. Wildlife seeking refuge in this basket of vegetation. All surrounded by mountains jetting up to the sky. And, of course, dwarfed by Half Dome. The scar reminding us of the magnitude of what happened. A whole mountain, severed completely in half. Solid rock. Smooth and round, standing well above a thousand feet. Cut like dollop of ice cream by a butter knife. The other half probably eaten by the glacier monster. So yeah. What nature does over time. Remnants of the aftermath scattered on this valley floor. All can be seen here. Where we were staying. And Joe, well, he’s out here to do what he usually does. Drink his ass off. The typical weekend for him back in Los Angeles, I’m sorry, back in Hollywood. No hiking. No fishing. No mountain biking. And get this. This is still camping to him. He’s the reason why this place has a hot tub. He’ll be in it all weekend. With his girl of course. After they’re tired of fucking all day long.

It was eight in the morning now. Everyone was up and ready. Joe and Tammy already got the music going. Probably at it another round. We assumed they weren’t hiking with us.

Joanne was making us breakfast in the kitchen. I tried to help out. Cutting things and mixing whatever needed mixing. Simple stuff. I’m no cook. The worse job I did was the toast. What a horrible job, handling toast. You put the slices in and wait. So mundane but leave it for over ten seconds, it’s burnt. Ruined. Pretty hard when the timer was also broken. After two rounds of burnt toast, Thomas took over.

“You’re hopeless.”

He laughed and pushed me aside.

“Just relax. You’ve helped out enough.”

Joanne was always cool. Helping out selflessly. I just felt bad not contributing. Didn’t drive. Barely took in the luggage. And now someone’s cooking for me. I’d make a horrible partner in the kitchen. Thomas and Joanne worked well together. Sometimes I wondered if they had something going on. Just a different chemistry when those two are together.

“Fire Marshall Tom here. Don’t fret. I’ll have this out in a jiffy.”

“This kitchen is too hot for the both of us to be in here.”

“Only if we start cooking my dear.”

As cheesy as it all was, it worked. For the both of them. The whole kitchen could be burning down and they’ll still be there joking around with each other. She wasn’t quite like Jennifer but had that attraction whenever she wanted to display it. All it took was her to smile and pull that black straight hair away from her face. And that’s what she did, guiding it over her ear so Thomas can see her coy smile.

That’s my signal. Once again a third wheel for a bicycle. I backed out. Stood just outside of the kitchen. I could see my brother in the living room re-checking his things. Man, talk about obsessive compulsive. He got a glimpse of me. He showed me why he was repacking. He was bringing along a camping knife. I just smirked. What’s a knife going to do against all those wolves? I’d rather be a skunk at that point. Spray all the wild animals with my stank. Or better yet. Spray myself. Who’d want to take a bite out of me at that point. All of this was pointless, anyways.

Prion disease was now rampant. People have avoided eating meat. No matter what type of meat, there seemed to be traces of prion in every type of tissue. General consensus was it had something to do with the flu outbreaks. Avian, to swine, to cattle. Made no sense to me. Those were viruses. This was blood or tissue. And prions were the transmittal vessel. Guess that’s why I’m not a scientist. But the vegetarians were happy. Society would now live healthier and the ones who didn’t convert, just went mad and eventually died. I still remember that time when we all didn’t know. My burger tasted funny. I thought it was the ketchup or mayo. One of them must have gone bad. I just tossed it. It wasn’t until we went out for a family dinner did I notice. The irony taste in my steak was more poignant than usual. I liked my steaks on the rare side. But this tasted really strange. I just had one bite. The rest of the family thought I was nuts. Even worse was my Dad got mad at me. He finished my steak as well. When the news came out, I always made sure I reminded him. There were alot of protests. Industries crying false reports. I thought so too. But the diseased just kept coming in. Before your knew it, it hit the poultry and even fish. All animals became off limits. Yeah, it was a sad day for meat lovers. I wanted to think it was all a joke. But nope, it wasn’t. Maybe this is why I’m acting so strange these days. I wanted eat. I mean really eat.

“Mmmm, toast and tofacon.”

Thomas was such a optimist.

“Try your toast with a grilled tomato and mozzarella. It’s good.”

He must of saw the sad look on my face. No matter how you season tofu, gluten, or whatever that stuff really is, it’s not bacon. Fuck, how long has it been?

“Eat up and let’s get going.”

We all ate. I guess we weren’t going to tell anyone. Tay didn’t even look at me. I kept watch on him. wondering if h was going to make a move and say something. He just ate. Cracking a joke here and there. His old self was back. The incident buried in the back of his mind. Maybe I should do the same.  What m I saying. I’m not good at that. This is going to be bothering me all day long. Come to think about it. How has this affected animals?

“What the hell?”

I was going to have to save that thought for the hike. Thomas found his iPhone.

“Oh no you didn’t!”

He’s a slow mofo. Can’t quite catch the nimble me. Hahaha, I love it. Like I said, just like my brother in attitude but not in shape like him. Plump and chubby and a little bit clumsy. He’ll never catch me running around the couch. I sure hope he doesn’t, especially when he finds out it’s difficult to change the status update with no reception.