Pale Lager

“Ah it’s Oktoberfest again!” Tong said surveying the room as he sat.

“This place is a shit hole and it’s only six,” Jax pointed out. He threw a few napkins down on the bench and used his feet to wipe off the spilled beer.

“Bunch of drunk fucking retards. Get a load of these fools!” White said staring at a couple that could barely stand. Then the music started up again. “Oooo, the chicken song.”

White joined a myriad of dancers in a well-known sequence of limb movements. Being a new arrival he was the only one who knew exactly how and when to do the moves. Hands under his armpits, he flapped his arms to the accordion music. Tong and Jax could only stare in disbelief.

“That’s White for ya.” Tong said shaking his head.

“So what’s good here?”

“Beer.”

“Smart ass. Which should we get?”

“Let’s start with Spaten. Go over there and get a few.”

Jax went over to the booth to order beers, as Tong sat there watching White. He was jumping around like a monkey now. Tong’s eyebrows curled as he watched the girls walk away.

“Don’t know what the big deal is about this place.” Jax placed two overflowing oversized beers on the table. “We should have just gone to GB.”

“They’re doing Oktoberfest too.”

“What? Man, I just need a bar… a TV with the game on… and a few hot chicks wouldn’t hurt.”

“Like you’re going to do anything.”

“I’d do better than our DD over there.”

They watched as two girls started laughing at White as he acted out his fat bastard impersonation from the movie Austin Powers. His attempt to make them laugh worked, but it was more at him, then along with him. One of them grabbed the others hand to pry themselves out of the awkward situation. Impersonation is impressive when it’s out of the blue, but when the person is spot on with even the look, it hits too close to home.

“Yeah, well, here’s to a little bit of liquid courage.” Tong toasted.

“Bottom’s up?”

“If you want to start it off quick. It is just six.”

“Hell yeah. Only way these women are going to look any good.”

They chug their beer and slam the plastic pints down on the table. Jax then crushes it with his hands, exaggerating his strength. Up until a bit of beer squirts out into his eye.

“Hahaha. Smooth Romeo. I’ll get the second round.”

Jax looked around for his entertainment, White. He was over by the wall talking to another group of girls. They were all laughing. This time though, together. Jax stared, bewildered at the site.

“OK, let’s enjoy this round. These lagers are supposed to be the best of Germany. Brewed only for Oktoberfest. They started as dark lagers but now it seems the pale lagers are popular.” Tong was carefully analyzing the opaque pint of beer under the lights.

Jax turned around, grabbed his pint, and chugged.

“Whoa there!”

Jax slammed his empty pint down and belched a steamy mix of beer and dinner. “You get that from freakin Wikipedia or something.”

“Yeah dude, that site is uber.”

“You should add an entry in there.”

“For what?”

“For Pansy you fuck. Finish your beer!”

“Dude, you’re going down for that.”

“Oh yeah? Just for that, you better be done with that before I come back!”

Tong started drinking his beer. As soon as Jax left, he put his pint back down. He looked over to White to make sure he was doing fine. “Impressive,” Tong thought as watched White work his magic. Literally, he was doing magic tricks. Some sort of card trick was all Tong could make out.

“You’re going down for that,” Jax mocked. “Drink up then bitch!”
“What the hell dude!”

Tong looked at the four plastic pints of beer on the table. He motioned to the absurdity on the table while downing the rest of his beer. The beer made it down under watchful eyes.

Jax let out an evil laugh and sat down. He looked over at White. He was puzzled by what he was doing. As soon as White pulled out a card and the girls gasped, Jax turned back around to Tong, agitated and a bit apprehensive.

“You want to show me up? Drink then.” Jax commanded.

“Yo… what’s up with the hostility?”

“What? First you call my ass out and now you back down?”

“Pace my friend, pace.”

“Fuck pace! Made in New York City… New York City!?!” Jax bobbed his head as he said the last line.

“What? Dude…”

“That Pace salsa shit. Don’t you watch TV? It’s a commercial.”

“Yeah… OK… but where did that come from?”

“Came from your ass!”

“Man, good thing we’re not at a bar WITH chicks. You’d scare them all off.”

“Whatever man! I don’t want any of them chicks White’s talking to! I can get any girl.”

“Huh? Wait…”

“They’re just after his money anyways. Dude’s fucking rich.”

“White?”

“Rich and didn’t buy us any beers. What a fuck… ball.”

“I think you should chill dude.”

“Chill dis mutha fucker.”

Jax downs another pint. Tong kicked himself not getting any dinner earlier. It seemed like a good idea to take Jax out. White didn’t want to drink, Jax hadn’t hung out for a while, and Tong, well, he just wanted to have a few beers. Everything looked fine on paper. A designated driver, a drinker, and a drinking buddy, it’s a simple recipe – one that’s about to turn into a disaster.

White came to the table with the girls he’s just met. It was like an absent-minded man strolling happily down the street in a clean white suit as a tomato cart came careening down the hill. The tomato cart was Jax.

“Hey, I want you all to meet my two friends.”

The girls smiled and waved.

Jax stood up and bellowed, “If you’re looking for free drinks, you came to the wrong place! See these, they’re mine!”

It was just six thirty and the three found themselves outside on the curb. Tong sitting on the curb next to White as he stood looking back inside. Jax was a few feet away sitting with his knees to his elbows supporting his head. The beers from earlier were in a puddle just underneath of him. Tong grimaced as he caught site of it and looked up at White. He was too busy paying attention to what was going on inside.

“Awww man, the chicken song again. ‘bout the only thing a sober person can enjoy in there.”

“It’s a shit hole anyways,” Jax let out.